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People can and should do whatever they desire as long as it’s consensual. I don’t have an issue with straight men having sex with other men and not calling it gay or having it change their identity. The group that faces less violence, while perpetuating it the quickest in our current moment, is straight white men. So far this year, LGBTQ people of color – especially transgender women of color – have faced record-breaking amounts of violence – a 20-year-old transgender woman was murdered in Dallas this week. “White men have more room to push sexual boundaries without being immediately pathologized ,” she continued.Īnd she’s right – and I am annoyed that she is on a certain level. “But in the context of book, recognizing privilege isn’t about denying what is unique about individual straight white men it’s about recognizing that straight white men have some unique cultural resources they can draw on to explain away and justify their presumably discordant sex practices.”Īccording to Ward, this behavior is very much tied to their white privilege, heteronormativety and male privilege to create a nexus in which straight white men can have sex with one another and face no repercussions.
OLDER GAY MEN KISS EACH OTHER SKIN
“Sometimes white people, and men in particular, bristle at the concept of ‘privilege,’” she says, speaking more broadly about the term that many use to describe inherent advantages white people have due to skin color. And they are the primary group doing this, because they can. Ward, who recently published her latest book, Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men, asked herself a similar question years back after hearing from a man she went on a date with about how ‘gay’ his straight fraternity had been.įrom her research, she has arrived at an interesting conclusion: straight men – specifically white men – are having sex with other men to affirm just how straight they are, because to be straight and still be able to perform ‘gay sex’ – while always remaining uninterested – is the height of white masculinity. “But are also subject to incredible cultural baggage.”īut why are all these straight men vying to take a swim in the rainbow pool? “I think homosexual desire and homosexual contact are staples of the human experience,” professor Jane Ward, University of California, Riverside, recently told me. And during all of this, these men, these straight men who were always my bully growing up or even in college classrooms, maintained their straightness while I was constantly reminded of how they despised my gayness even as I entertained their episodic gay-interests.Īnd I am not alone in being the object of ambivalent, conflicted desire by men who identify as straight. And over time – especially once I got to my very white college – the grabs from straight men became caressing or kissing or, for the bold, sex.